Wednesday, December 28, 2005

What about floss?

There are a few things my wife is not allowed to buy. Number one on the list is toothpaste. (Computer software and kites are in the top five.) Our household's "tube per capita" is now four. I don't know how this happened.

I'm starting to think that the kids just don't like to brush their teeth and it has nothing to do with the brand or flavor of the toothpaste. Every problem has a solution -- and like a good all-American mother, my wife knows that the solution is in a store somewhere. Yes, you may be tempted to think that my family has the cleanest teeth in town. Don't. If the solution really is in a store, it's in some other store that my wife never goes to.

With so many different choices there must be one that the kids like. I think there's a couple that they can tolerate. "Blueberry bubblegum blast" was not one of them. So, following the precedent set by so many vegetables in this house, it falls to me to dispose of the blue stuff. It grows on you. The real satisfaction comes from stopping my money from going straight to the trash can. The pictures on the tube are OK, too.

Some days I take a break and use an adult toothpaste. I mean, I've got a giant toothpaste buffet in my bathroom! Would be a waste to not try some different stuff.

Like any all-American dad, I'm cheap. Sorry. It's one of my major Too much of a good thing?life goals to get my money's worth and finish all of this toothpaste. But, I use such small toothpaste blobs. It takes me a long time to finish a tube! And, it's not like the kids are any help. ... With so many tubes, though, how can I ever be sure that she didn't slip a new one in there some where?

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Anonymous Paul said...

Ok, this is funny. And what percentage of toothpaste ends up on the drying towell? How does it get there? How many electric tootbrushes do your kids have? Why are all the batteries dead while the kids teeth are still green?

Back when we were courtin' I ribbed by future wife for being so 'liberal' with the toothpaste! She put a dollop on the entire length of the bristles and then with a nice curl over on it. JUST LIKE IN THE COMMERCIALS! I was already down to using just a pea sized blob like the instructions say plus I didn't want to completely fry my brain with all that evil fluoride (just in case that conspiracy theory turns out to be correct).

05 April, 2006  

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